Falun Dafa Break Up Thirty Years plus of Hate
13 November 2004 Tan Siew Lan - Klang, Selangor
Greetings: Reverend Master and all practitioners.
My name is Tan Siew Lan, from Klang. Now, I am already 50 years old plus. Before I get the Fa, I was the person who did not know how to smile, did not know how to speak, did not dare to speak, scared heart very heavy and superstition. Every day I only opened my big eyes and did my works. I married during my earlier age with a man who is not a good husband. I married with him because of my parents thought that his family have some property. However, we didn’t know that he is a hot temper person. He scolded me every day and sometime he would beat me. I was suffering and enduring for more than 30 years until today just because of I considered of my children future. If I did not have any children, I would decide to divorce with my husband.
Since I married, my mother in law who is a Buddhist and vegetarian, advise me that her son attitude was not good, thus I must endured. She said again: “If he scolds you, whether it’s right or wrong you should not scold him back, because scolding is not good.” Thus, I only know to endure. My husband almost every night only allows me to sleep after scolding. Every time when I was scolded by husband, whether his right or wrong, I only keep quiet, and endure with grievance. Then I would only cry myself in room. More than 30 years of hate accumulate in my heart as much as 30 years of my tear accumulate until a barrel of water. Sometime when husband want to beat me, my mother-in-law would try to stop him. Like this kind of incident I did not dare to tell my parents, sister and brothers and also others people because I afraid they would worry about me.
I think my Fa “Yuan Fen” had arrived and my cultivation path was arranged by Master. After my mother-in-law passed away not long time ago, my time became very free. Suddenly, I remember in one day morning when I was buying vegetable at market , my old good friend whom also my neighbor introduce me to practice QiGong which is free of charge. Like this, I started wake up at about 4 or 5 o’clock to practice Falun Gong.
Before I get the ‘Fa’, I liked to drink herb wine, because I could feel easy to sleep after drinking. The second day when I went to practice, a veteran practitioner told me that in chapter nine of <Zhuan Falun> has written about practitioner can not drink wine. Thus, I did not drink wine started from that day. Even my son want to buy wine for me when he went to oversea, I said no need. Besides that, because I can drink a lot of wine, so my younger brother liked to invite me for drinking on the wedding dinner, but I rejected.
That veteran practitioner gave me a <Zhuan Falun> book and encourages me to go to Fa study site to study the Fa. Besides that I also read the book frequently at home by myself. When I first time read the <Zhuan Falun> book, I can understand very fast about my current situation and also the Fa master mentioned in the book. Before I got the Fa, my mother-in-law told me to endure. That only very surface type of everyday people’s endurance, which I endure with grievance, and even with anger, sadness and tears. But the endurance of a cultivator is without above attachments. Master has mentioned in <Essentials for Further Advancement> with title ‘What is Forbearance’ that “Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” On my process of reading books, I try to get rid of all the bad thinking, fear attachment and also hate heart which were cumulated for more than 30 years from Fa understanding.
There was one day I went to practice site to practice, a new practitioner saw me meditate for very long time, about one hour. He felt surprised and asked me why I can endure for such a long time. This is because he would feel unbearable when he meditated. So, I shared with him from the aspect of Fa that we should endure and take the hardship when meditated and only that we can eliminate our karma. I came across for the numerous hardships I have suffered and meditation was only feeling paint but not bitter. So, this is nothing at all. Master has mention in <Zhuan Falun> lecture 4 sub topic “Transforming Karma” that “Tempering your will is the key to truly raising your level. If you could improve just by working the body, I’d say China’s farmers suffer the most, so shouldn’t they all be qigong grandmasters?”
There are some cultivation experiences I will like to share with you. Before I get the Fa, I am the person who always felt worry. Like, when my eldest daughter brought me out for a walk, I always thought of wanted to come back earlier, because I was afraid of being scolded by husband. After studying Fa, I became happier. I managed to put down a lot of my attachments like fear, worry, etc. There was one time, I did not have enough money to pay for my youngest daughter tuition fee, electric bill and water will and I felt a bit worried about it. However, I tried to put down my heart and did not worry too much about it. The second day, suddenly my eldest daughter came and asked me, and I told her the difficulty that I was facing and she brought some money in the next day for me to settle the problem.
Along the path of cultivation practice, I slowly get rid of my attachment layer by layer. I also can face various kind of testing calmly. Some time, when my husband scolded me, I felt calm and not to put this matter into my heart. Some more I can smile to him. He felt very surprised and scolded me is my mind have something wrong? Then I thought that, if I was not get the Fa, my mind maybe really can get something wrong. Some time, when my husband scolded me, I know to ask him calmly why he wanted to scold me. I even asked him again that is the way he did right or wrong? Now, my family environment has improved and I also notice that my husband has reduced his scolding to me.
Falun Dafa is good! Thank you my compassionate master.
Above is my personal experience. Please kindly comment if there is any mistake. Thank you.